Adapt

Kurt and I are no longer together after 4+ years of being together.

And now you know.

And now I’m moving on because dwelling on the fact only festers the hurt.

My life is still amazing, I’m still excited for 2012, there’s just a tinge of pain when I look ahead because of what I have now lost.

So here are the things I’d like to learn to do or simply DO in the upcoming years:

• Backpacking
• Motorcycles
• Rock Climbing
• Back packing
• Kayaking
• Surfing?
• Scuba diving & snorkling
• Krav Maga
• Belly Dancing
• Leave North America
• Hike the Pacific Crest Trail
• Join Search & Rescue
• Join an organization like Médecins Sans Frontières – and go overseas with them

I’m excited to be in two weddings, I’ve been working on improving my health and fitness. I would love to spend more time in the outdoors and I hope I find some great new people to be involved with in the coming year and continuing on for many years.

 

 

Moving…on.

Graduation is complete.

Moving out of my apartment is complete.

And now, now I move onto my future, embracing my dreams, and living my life.

 

Can I just say that this is the scariest thing ever?

 

I feel silly being so nervous when I’m on the cusp of reaching out and succeeding in my dreams. But I am nervous, am I prepared to be an adult?

Thankful for Breakfast

Today was not what I would call a good day.

It started with me crying in traffic because the ache of missing someone finally hit hard.

Then there was that traffic and stupid drivers and me being late with their help.

Awkwardness at school unhelped by forgetting both my lunch and my wallet, I stopped for a moment and was thankful I had forced myself to eat a full breakfast.

Things did get some better in the afternoon, things got less awkward at school and when I got home… I was nearly loved to death. Belle was the happiest puppy EVER when I walked through the door today, all wiggly and bouncing. After walkies I was covered in kisses and mr cat wrapped around the back of my head and purred.

Tonight my (step) Dad called to say he was sorry about my crappy day and offer advice. Mostly about the traffic of Sacto. but also told me to “rat-hole $10 in the Jeep so I’ll never be poor, hungry, or unable to get gas.” I love my Dad and his advice. And just the calm way he tells me how to deal with things and situations. And his patience. God bless him for the amazing patience that man has. . .

Today was a bad day, I didn’t accomplish all I wanted to, it’ll be over 2 months before I see the one I miss so very much. But tonight I let myself cry because bottling everything inside, the bad days, the not so fun emotions, I know that’s not okay and it’s not who I want to be anymore. On this little journey of self discovery I’ve had to accept the good with the bad. And today? Today I’m sharing this jumble of messy emotions.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Before I forget

Driving home yesterday I was all pumped up about writing. Maybe it wouldn’t be stuff I could post on the blog but heck,I was going to do some writing because the weekend had been awesome.

Instead? I slept.

I’m trying to catch up on my Google Reader, it was over 100 when I started today, now it’s telling me I’ve got nothing unread.

Today I need to be reviewing for my Phlebotomy Exam. I should’ve done this at least 6mo ago but with 27 days left before VN begins, I’m just happy to be finishing. After the exam I’m not sure how long before I’ll know if I passed or not– if I pass it’s onto getting my paperwork through the state.

Things that happened this weekend (that I want to write about so I dont forget):

• The Surprise Birthday Party
• Stargazing & Sprinklers
• Realizing just how lucky I am to have such an amazing boyfriend.

Open & Honest

I never meant for this blog to turn into another tight lipped half, hushed blog full of quiet partial stories as to not offend people. Mostly people who know me IRL. Lately this has been grating on me.

Currently, I’m on the fence about creating a second more PC/Family friendly blog and Facebook account since my Mom’s sister now has FB and my Mom, may not be far behind.

I have one year until graduation, I hope after that year to no longer be dependent on family. I love my family, I’m extremely grateful for all the love and support they have given.

… but I’m ready to be my own person and not have to hold my breath because I don’t want them to be offended. (This is a really big deal to me and something that’s very very difficult.) That secret some of you know about? Well, part of me thinks maybe I should go for something smaller that would be mine so my parents wouldn’t have that over my head.

I’m going to be honest with you all…

I am scared.

41 days until LVN starts. 402 days until GRADUATION!!

And then? Then the real world. Full time work, bill paying, full time work!

I ramble a lot in these more heartfelt blog entries but I hope you’ll stick with me here.

I am excited. Really, really excited.

Reading the blogs of the adults in my twitter feed, you all are amazing. Those of you with kids? You’re helping me see all the things the books, workshops, school– that no one tells you!

I’m not really sure what my tweets, my blog, my life is going to be like starting in 41 days, but people, I hope you stick around for the ride!

A reminder to be grateful for every day…

…and to hug those you love and care about.

A very very dear friend of mine was in a head on collision yesterday. She and her kids were in the truck on their way home when they were hit head on. She is in the hospital tonight awaiting surgery for her ankle, her kids are bruised and sore, but most importantly they are all alive.

After all that has happened this year, the loss of my Grandparents, the injuries, accidents, and close calls… I know now that it is so very important to let those we love and care about know just how much they mean to us.

I grew up listening to Garth Brooks’ “If Tomorrow Never Comes” and this verse has always stuck with me:

‘Cause I’ve lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed

I have many wishes about my grandparents, that I had gotten closer to them while they were still alive. I have wishes about friends I was once close to, and many other relationships and might have beens. But I know that all I can do is take these experiences and live my life better. I do not wish to live with regrets.

Thankful

“If I hadn’t gotten a cup of coffee and a bottle of water…”

That was the realization I had when telling my Mom about the accident, just how close I was to being involved. The EMS people were just getting out of their vehicles, CHP and ambulances were still arriving. In the article they say the road was closed at 7:45a, and that’s just after I got through the accident scene.

Here’s a link to the news story:
http://www.news10.net/news/story.aspx?storyid=71412&catid=2

I came home and was greeted by BELLE LOVE and now Belle snuggles. Today was a reminder to be thankful for everyday, every moment with those we love.

I am going to just relax, snuggle my dog, and be thankful that no one died, only one person was in critical condition, and only 9 people went to the hospital– and be thankful I wasn’t involved in the accident.

‘Tis the Season…

Final exams, flus, colds, holidays, family gatherings, old friends… ’tis the season for stress.

Emotions have run high, have been extremely stressful, and confusing this week. I just hope that things on that front will calm down now that the school year is coming to a close.

Speaking of school coming to a close… This class will be the last full class left before I take my Pass or Fail exam that determines my Phlebotomist status. (No pressure.)

Holiday family gatherings have already begun, I have some decisions to make on that topic. Not too sure what I’ll do about that just now, I just wish it’d stop taking up room in my brain while I work out other things!

Goals as of now: sleep tonight (this will lead to the rest of these goals happening), getting through class tomorrow, not getting sick- especially not until 7pm Dec. 12th, and getting through this holiday season with only having bettered relationships.