Today was not what I would call a good day.
It started with me crying in traffic because the ache of missing someone finally hit hard.
Then there was that traffic and stupid drivers and me being late with their help.
Awkwardness at school unhelped by forgetting both my lunch and my wallet, I stopped for a moment and was thankful I had forced myself to eat a full breakfast.
Things did get some better in the afternoon, things got less awkward at school and when I got home… I was nearly loved to death. Belle was the happiest puppy EVER when I walked through the door today, all wiggly and bouncing. After walkies I was covered in kisses and mr cat wrapped around the back of my head and purred.
Tonight my (step) Dad called to say he was sorry about my crappy day and offer advice. Mostly about the traffic of Sacto. but also told me to “rat-hole $10 in the Jeep so I’ll never be poor, hungry, or unable to get gas.” I love my Dad and his advice. And just the calm way he tells me how to deal with things and situations. And his patience. God bless him for the amazing patience that man has. . .
Today was a bad day, I didn’t accomplish all I wanted to, it’ll be over 2 months before I see the one I miss so very much. But tonight I let myself cry because bottling everything inside, the bad days, the not so fun emotions, I know that’s not okay and it’s not who I want to be anymore. On this little journey of self discovery I’ve had to accept the good with the bad. And today? Today I’m sharing this jumble of messy emotions.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Sometimes the things my Mom says make me laugh, sometimes they make me want to cry with the love she puts into the words.
Tonight, I wanted to share some of the latter:
“Your identity is yours. You have grown so much this last year in knowing who you are. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.”
First off- I have to say, I love my Mom.
My Mom takes very good care of her teeth. No people, I mean very good care of her teeth. It takes her about an hour to just do her teeth routine. (no joke) She has nearly every tooth cleaning device I’ve ever seen in a store and when her brand of the wooden picks (no, not toothpicks) were no longer being carried at her local store– I was sent out to my local stores to look for them. For reals, it was a crisis. There are the sticks, the floss, the picks… and who knows what else, plus the tooth brush and gargling. ( That’s another Mom story– she has mouth wash everywhere. )
So what does this have to do with what Pretty All True wrote in “Anal Leakage” ??
Mom, she leaves “sticks” everywhere. No, I mean everywhere. Dad and I find them on the couches, in a blanket, her car… anywhere she may have used them. We point out the grossness but now I can claim the danger!!!! I can’t find the picture of the wooden ones but now she also leaves the DANGEROUS kind Pretty All True mentioned. So now I’ll be even more careful, clearly my parent’s house is a mine field.
I may be edging my way towards being a grown up but the note my Mom left on Gustave’s tank yesterday made me smile. (I was even happier when I saw she had cleaned my kitchen before leaving!!!!)
Dad called me to tell me he had found a way for me to pay less money for things like road side assistance and Renter’s Insurance and also just to say “hi” and “I love you and I’m so proud of you.”
Belle stayed by my side last night when I was sick for hours and lay on the couch with a bucket beside me. She was sweet enough to nuzzle up on my side and lick my tears away letting me know it was all going to be ok.
My coworkers are awesome, one even makes my tea for me when I show up to work my shifts before I even order it!
The apartment manager and head maintenance guy stopped Belle and I on our walk today to tell me what a great job I’ve done raising Belle and how she is their favorite. (Such a change from the places we’ve lived before.)
The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, I’m employed. There’s good food in my tummy, a happy healthy fish in his tank, and a Papillon snuggled beside me.
Life is good.
It can be a bit on the craptastic side at times, and feel like there’s never enough time… but in the end I know I have some of the greatest friends, tweeps, family, and assorted loved ones that one person could ever hope for.
… That’s what my Dad said on the phone right after asking if I was still in town.
My Dad never talks like that, so I immediately knew something was really wrong. I raced back to their house, as I got out of the maze that is downtown (I had to use alleyways to get back to the main road quickly) there was an ambulance lights and sirens going the same way I went. My heart dropped to my stomach as turn after turn it continued to be in front of me… thankfully when I turned off to head up their street it continued on its way.
Dad took me by the arm and told me as we walked to their room that Mom had fainted… She was laying in bed not looking well. I did a quick assessment, grabbed my bag from my car to take her vitals.They all came back in normal ranges for her, there were some signs of concern but nothing that told me there was an emergency.
While she did lose consciousness she knew where she was, who she was, who we were (even Belle who applied licks and cuddles). She’s doing better now, though Dad and I are keeping a close, close eye on her. For now, we watch and we wait.
The holiday season is finally winding down! I’m still visiting family & friends in my hometown, I’ll be home today or tomorrow, and then much more happening this month including- (I hope) meeting my bio Mom. There are doggie play dates, house/animal sitting, more doctor/chiropractor visits, plus getting back to using the lovely little gym at my apartment,and even a visit to more family! January is busy!! Not to mention all the job hunting!
2010 has started out with a happy amount of busyness, seeing old friends, getting some great advice for job hunting, and taking care of lots of health stuff!
So on that note, here’s a pic I snapped of my first xray and my one taken about a week ago:
So the change isn’t quite as dramatic as I had hoped for, but it is slow going and there have been new issues, like my skull not being alligned (yes, my head *truly* is not screwed on straight) I’ll try and get more and also better pictures today when I go in again, but I’m pretty excited with the progress and the decrease of pain! Someone asked a while back what method of chiropractic care I’m getting it’s called the: pettibon method. (Pretty sure that’s the spelling and correct name) The place I go has a website that may have more information if people are curious: http://www.chirofirst.net/
For those who are hoping for a Belle update: her eye is better, the drops seem to have helped- as did the cone so I’ll just keep watching and waiting! She’s very happy, has been enjoying holiday company, lounging on my parents’ couches, and just being a happy doggie. She got a cookie mix from my mom, and I made those cookies for her. Belle is now a cookie monster.
Final exams, flus, colds, holidays, family gatherings, old friends… ’tis the season for stress.
Emotions have run high, have been extremely stressful, and confusing this week. I just hope that things on that front will calm down now that the school year is coming to a close.
Speaking of school coming to a close… This class will be the last full class left before I take my Pass or Fail exam that determines my Phlebotomist status. (No pressure.)
Holiday family gatherings have already begun, I have some decisions to make on that topic. Not too sure what I’ll do about that just now, I just wish it’d stop taking up room in my brain while I work out other things!
Goals as of now: sleep tonight (this will lead to the rest of these goals happening), getting through class tomorrow, not getting sick- especially not until 7pm Dec. 12th, and getting through this holiday season with only having bettered relationships.
Thanksgiving was the first time I had seen (2 of) my parents since August… since I moved out of their house. I started having panic attacks 24 hours before I went to the Bay Area, had to stop a few times on my way to the family gathering. (hooray.) I was really nervous about seeing my parents. I had no idea how it would go, what conversations would be had, if there’d be a scene of what the rest of the family would say.
I knew it wouldn’t be as I expected. I knew that… but knowing that didn’t make it easier for my anxiety to stop.
My parents were at my Yiayia’s and Papou’s when I got into town, they would come over together around 3 when everyone was supposed to show up, leaving time to get Belle settled and get some down time before seeing my parents.
Long story short- barely talked to her, talked to my Dad some, cried when we said goodbye at the end of the night, he was a bit teary eyed too. I really miss my Dad, and I wish we weren’t so far apart. I’m hoping I can see him sometime in the future, maybe he’ll fly (or fly me) somewhere to meet him.
The other thing that’s beginning to take a toll is the death of my Grandparents. I talked a little bit about it all during Thanksgiving with my family and pappoydes kai giagiades (Grandparents- Greek) especially it really hit that they are gone. This is the first holiday season without them. There was no Thanksgiving card in the mail this year, that was the first time I cried in quite a while about my Grandmother’s death. I know she’s in a better place, I know she’s with my Grandfather, but we still miss her.
We would write every week to each other, and now that it’s the holiday season… I’m hurting a bit more right now.
Hug your loved ones, make sure they know you love them this holiday season.