And now you know.

And now I’m moving on because dwelling on the fact only festers the hurt.

My life is still amazing, I’m still excited for 2012, there’s just a tinge of pain when I look ahead because of what I have now lost.

So here are the things I’d like to learn to do or simply DO in the upcoming years:

• Backpacking
• Motorcycles
• Rock Climbing
• Back packing
• Kayaking
• Surfing?
• Scuba diving & snorkling
• Krav Maga
• Belly Dancing
• Leave North America
• Hike the Pacific Crest Trail
• Join Search & Rescue
• Join an organization like Médecins Sans Frontières – and go overseas with them

I’m excited to be in two weddings, I’ve been working on improving my health and fitness. I would love to spend more time in the outdoors and I hope I find some great new people to be involved with in the coming year and continuing on for many years.

And on the second day of the New Year… Belle had the perfect expression to complete the excitement I feel towards 2012 where my words fail.

I passed my NCLEX-PN exam!!

(My nursing board exam)

Thankfully the letter arrived with good news in the final days before Christmas. It is still sinking in that it’s really really, that I’ve been successful and achieved this dream to become a nurse!

]]> http://strawbrykiwi.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/merry-christmas-nurse/feed/ 7 strawbrykiwi http://strawbrykiwi.wordpress.com/2011/12/01/troubles-of-the-heart/ http://strawbrykiwi.wordpress.com/2011/12/01/troubles-of-the-heart/#comments Thu, 01 Dec 2011 23:27:33 +0000 strawbrykiwi http://strawbrykiwi.wordpress.com/2011/12/01/troubles-of-the-heart/ ]]> My heart now beats at 68 times a minute.
I’m 24 years old and now, very aware of my heart.Yesterday afternoon bronchitis, dehydration, over the counter medication, stress, and life all combined into the perfect storm and my heart began to beat too fast.

But I didn’t know that at the time.

What I did know, was that I couldn’t breathe.

I’d been sick for a few days, shrugged it off as a cold, then the flu, then maybe I’d caught bronchitis during my Thanksgiving vacation. For once I’d been taking care of myself, lots of sleep, lots of soup, tea, water… until yesterday. I woke up feeling better, worn out and weak but my health felt better. But then, eating was too much of an effort and drinking was painful.

No big deal, I finished my chapter in my review book, turned on the tv to watch some Mythbusters. As the moments ticked on my breathing became less of an unconscious fact of life, and more of a very conscious struggle.

Remember when you were a kid and you glued your fingers together with super glue and couldn’t pull them apart?

That was how my lungs felt.

Cue the freak out. And text to my Mom.

Mom said when she came home and saw me, I looked like my Grandfather looked on his death bed. (Thankfully she didn’t share this detail until today.)

Needless to say I went to urgent care.

Where they couldn’t do a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. And when the breathing treatment didn’t help the doctor feared a pulmonary embolism and called the ER and sent me out.

People?

I’m 24 years old. Having the ER triage you as the PE case and being brought back to the cardiac unit? Absolutely terrifying. My heart was already racing from the breathing treatment and now? It was beating out of my chest.

Thankfully Kurt arrived before they took me back so he and my Mom were there for me while they hooked me up to the heart monitors and began searching for veins to run an IV.

I am a hard stick. When dehydrated, I become even more difficult.

My heart rate? 169.  It remained well above 100 for hours.  (This is bad.)

The first IV on the underside of my wrist, failed.
The IV placed in my neck? Infiltrated. (Failed)

So then, they placed a central line.

It was the worst experience of my life. I cried. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run from the room. Kurt held my hand for comfort, and my leg for the flailing.

When the doctor went to stitch it, he said it would just be a little pinch, I snarked or laughed and he said “okay just a little stab” and that was much better. I’m sorry, but central lines? NOT A LITTLE POKE.

Logically I knew it was needed, I knew they were helping, I knew I needed it to get the medicine. But with my face trapped beneath a blue sterile field tarp, with the pain and pressure of a stranger stabbing my neck only to skewer me and then stitch it into place… I was terrified. At least on their first attempt I could see Kurt’s face. I could see him there and know that I was okay.

The sweetness of the man I love? He washed my face, all the tears…after the central line was placed.

Finally once the line was in they were able to run fluids, pain meds, and other meds to deal with my still tachycardicheart.

Thankfully I was discharged and I was able to come home to my loving Belle and my snuggly cat.

Today, I’m tired, sore in all the areas they drew blood (ABGs, blood draws, and IV sites) but my neck… it feels like I was stabbed. I took the pain meds they prescribed to be able to eat and drink comfortably. I also still feel a little shaken from the whole thing. That was not … I was not prepared for the central line. I gained a great deal of perspective and I will have a whole new level of empathy for my future patients.

In the end, I didn’t have a pulmonary embolism. I did leave with the diagnosis of SVT and bronchitis. So today I am taking it easy and drinking glass after glass of water and juice. And I am thankful for my friends who reached out to support me last night and today, thankful for my wonderful boyfriend who stayed by my bedside until I was discharged in the middle of the night. Thankful for my parents who spent their night by my side despite my Mom’s squeamish nature for all things needle related… I am thankful for life.

I am clearly a Pacific Northwest girl, give me mountains, tall trees, rivers AND an ocean nearby…more on that another time. All I’m saying, is I left my heart in the PNW.

A big adventure this trip has been my camera. Still fairly new to me, I’m learning and ever increasingly impressed by the things my camera is capable of even in my beginner’s hands.

Case in point, this photo:

The clouds? Awesome!

We had great weather on our way out, a bit delayed in Denver due to bad weather when the plane started out it’s day in SF, and then another delay once we all boarded but let me tell you about that…

Captain: Hi folks, we’ve got a bit more of a delay, we do appologize but they’re having some trouble with the (insert actual name here) fuel cap so we’re going to wait for the mechanic to come out and fix that so we can fuel up.

… so, needless to say no one complained or insisted we take off without fuel. I like fuel, I have no desire to run out in mid-air.

Thankfully they got us all taken care of and then the 100mph tailwind did the rest and we arrived in great time. While flying out here I also discovered how awesome knitting in the airport and on the plane is!!! Yes, you CAN fly with knitting needles on the plane. Here is the actual link from the TSA: clicky and despite my Dad’s misgivings about such potentially seen-as-threatening items I had zero problems with airport security. Though I did choose circular needles, and packed a plastic pair and extra yarn just in case they were confiscated.  All that being said, no one gave me funny looks for knitting in the airport while we waited, nor on the plane. People asked what I was making or asked if I needed more light… so what I’m saying is knitting on a plane = drama free.

Ahem.

First day in Minnesota, guess what? It snows here!

Here “Moosetato” welcomes winter. Thankfully my aunt navigated the roads- slick and icy as they became- like a pro!

There were some fantastic places we visited:

The yarn store:  where the walls were made of yarn! (no, not really, I realize that isn’t practical but it sounds cool!) 

Great old barn filled with delightful antiques:

And the best part to me?

My aunt lives in the country! So when we take walks we get to see delightful country scenes:

And before the clouds and the snow really began… I got one really great night shot from her backyard:    

This rain is hesitant, lightly touching the roof above my head and then hesitates before lightly then with more wet fingers tapping. Parts of the roof make it sound like music, then on the glass simple percussion.

It’s a symphony, a comfort.

Two months later, I’m walking. Not just walking but I got cleared to do exercises other than swimming last week. (There’s stipulations, but this is still super exciting!) There’s measurable improvement in my foot and every week they’re adding things to my physical therapy, they tend to be very painful, I get teased about bringing my squeeze ball to therapy because it keeps me from flailing about on the table. A new pair of shoes has also played a HUGE part in my recovery. It sounds so cheesy, but seriously people, these shoes changed my life. I plan to get a leather version for work– as soon as I’m working.

I’ve been doing a lot of photography, quite a bit of cooking for my family and with Kurt, and in the coming weeks I’ll be seeing family I haven’t spent time with in ages. I’ve missed two weddings and a baby out in the midwest and so much of my family in the Bay area.

I am so thankful for this time to rest, recover, and study– not to mention sort through all my stuff that I’ve held onto through the years. Next year will see another move to a new state, a new job, and a much smaller living space for quite some time.

Thanks for reading!

Slow Cooker San Francisco Chops:
Click here to see the recipie

Pork chops browning: (Yes, all these cooking photos are really just an excuse to learn to use my camera better.)

Here’s the pork chops going into the slow cooker:
I added some extra garlic because, well, we love garlic! And have a Costco size supply of pre peeled garlic.

Finished product in the slow cooker:

We had ours over brown rice and with steamed broccoli.

Very delicious! Using leftovers BBQ pork for BBQ pork sandwiches later in the week. I followed the recipe pretty well, I did have to turn the pork chops to make sure they all got juicy and delicious and they didn’t take the full 7-8hours. Still super easy and delicious!